What is it like to be Tamar Finegold, a young bride, married to an academician Rabbi and Talmlud intellectual? How does the environment of the Ultra-Orthodox community in which she is part of receive a woman who has been “stained”? Is there security for a woman within the community when she decides to hide the truth? Is there security within herself, or does the horrifying act that Tamar initially chooses to hide have repercussions psychologically and morally? So her actions and choices cross religious boundaries? Do the consequences extend beyond Tamar to her children, other family members and friends? These are just the basic questions I found myself asking while reading The Sacrifice of Tamar.
The Sacrifice of Tamar is disturbing on many levels. First and foremost, with vividly graphic visuals, the reader is privy to an extremely personal abhorrent and contemptible act of manipulation and violence. Tamar was brutally raped in 1970, while babysitting for her sister. Tamar becomes pregnant, not knowing whether the baby was fathered by her husband or the rapist. She feels ashamed, alone, devoid of the capacity to confide in her husband due to fear from what she feels are religious restrictions that will eventually cause her husband to divorce her.
Tamar feels the urgency and necessity to speak to someone, and chooses to talk to a friend of hers from childhood, Hadassah Mandlebrith. Hadassah eventually tells a mutual friend of theirs named Jenny what happened to Tamar, without Tamar’s knowledge. The secret remains with Tamar, as the years move forward.
The story is told in a flash back type of mode, with the women recalling their childhoods. Their childhoods had great influence on them and the women they matured into within their chosen lifestyles. Stigmas and hardcore tactics were forced upon them, causing them to form their own coping mechanisms and opinions regarding behavior and truth. Moral choices and responsibility factor into their trains of thought and judgment, and they input their own values and own opinions, influencing the choices that Tamar makes. The choices linger in Tamar’s life for over twenty years, and not a day goes by without her questioning her decision.
Flash forward to 1993, and you will be dealt with an overwhelming and disquieting blow, one that might shock you.
Religion and racism are primary issues that Ragen concisely and sharply writes about . Racism is a strong factor within the pages, not only racism for other ethnic groups, but racism and purity within the Ultra-Orthodox community, itself. I found the book to be a difficult read due to the subject matter of rape. Rape, in itself, is a brutal force, and Ragen depicts it with clear details. The Sacrifice of Tamar is extremely unnerving and disturbing, yet it is somewhat intriguing at the same time from a sociological and psychological perspective. Rape is also synonymous to betrayal, not only of the body, but of marriage. It is also a betrayal of the emotional aspects inflicted by a religious community, and most importantly, it can lead to betrayal of Self.
I procrastinated while reading this book, kept the book at arm’s length, and often pushed it aside, only to find myself gripped by the thought of it, returning to read it in order to find out the ending. No matter the horrendous act, I found the book to be strongly written, not only regarding the violent act of rape, but also regarding the consequences of hiding the truth, and how it can devastate a family, decades later.
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Tuesday February 16, 2010 – 2nd of Adar, 5770
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